Sex? No I’m fine. Life and the people I think who actually gave a shit about me fuck me over every day.

I can’t still feel his lips on my forehead as I began to say “everything is so different now”
Every little word that omits out of his perfect mouth and every little fluid movement he makes is a lie and an act.
“accidentally” leaning to kiss me good night wasn’t an accident. He did it on purpose im convinced. Then pulling away immediately and going “woah why did I do that” you did it to be an ass hole. Everything you do and say is a lie and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s all a lie but I’m letting my guard down. I’m probably going to be hurt again. I just wanted my best friend back. However, it’s hard to be friends with someone you’re still in love with and with someone who claims to be “confused”
I’m not desperate. I don’t need his attention, nor do I need anyone’s attention. I lost him once and I think I can do it again.
I’m content with being alone. I’m content with keeping to myself. Fuck off if you want. I don’t need people who don’t need me.

She sat at the table outside her school just finishing whatever unhealthy fried food she had just eaten. She looked over her shoulder then took a sip of her sweet yellow energy drink that woke her up but made her numb to the rest of the world around her.
The sun shone through the olive trees beside her but didn’t warm her face as she had hoped. She kept looking over into the cafeteria hoping she could see an empty table where she could sit alone and do her homework without interruption.
Her face says “leave me alone” but her eyes say “save me”
She wants nothing more than to have someone come up and talk to her just for a brief moment so her thoughts of her past could be halted.
If there’s one thing this girl understands, it’s pain.
She looked down at her stomach that is slightly puffing hopefully from food and not the unwanted pregnancy she fears she now has to deal with. This would be her third.
“I love you” he told her. His calm yet deceiving blue eyes gazing into hers. His soft full lips pressed into hers making it feel like the first time he kissed her instead of the millionth time.
He told her he loved her. He said she was the one. He also said that to 3 other girls then proceeded to fuck them and left her with a shattered heart and a miscarriage to deal with on her own. Every now and then she feels the stabbing pain in her chest that she thought went away.
She looked up, not wanting to think about her past but proceeded to think about the present, lasting effect it had imprinted upon her.
It doesn’t matter how much you say you love her or how nice you are, she is always going to think that he- whoever this new he will be- is saying it to at least 2 other people and screwing them on the side. She trusts no one but herself. She is completely and utterly alone.
How did this happen? She went from being queen to a pathetic pauper.
She could do anything. She could fly if you wanted her to. Now all she does is stare out in the distance and tries to ignore the slight pain in her chest.
Her hallow eyes holed no secrets, no love, and no life. They’re simply impressions and reminders of what has happened to her. She fought a war of all wars with her karmic ties and lost as predicted. But it’s left her damaged. She smiles and laughs but its just a face and just a sound. If you look closely you can see she’s broken but look into her eyes and you can see she is completely destroyed. The girl who was once so vibrant, and loving and full of energy is now a mere shell of what she used to be.
She got up and walked inside and found an empty table scattered with trash hoping no one would come and bother her.
She needed to get started on her homework but she procrastinated seeing as that was the one thing she does best.
She has an uncertain future but has many passions. She feels her only fate is to become a mother. Stay at home all day and take care of her babies and cook for the husband that she probably doesn’t fully love because he probably isn’t the one she was supposed to marry.
She briefly closed her eyes and concentrated on the music playing in her ears, getting lost in every note.
When someone has no one who do you turn to? She turns to the ones that take advantage of her. Her motto? “at least I’m worth using”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly exhaling a little bit of sorrow and hoping for a better tomorrow. What else could she ask for?
It took all she had to put her phone down and start her work praying that by some miracle she’ll actually get it done instead of blankly stare at the page lost in the thoughts that haunted her every day.

centripetal:

by robert gaudette.

I need to be here right now! :(((